Monday -- February 14, 2005
 CAREFUL
WHAT YOU EAT --- YOU COULD BE A RACIST!!
 My
guess is that you're not going to believe this one. The story is so
absurd, so ridiculous that you just know I made it up. Well .. the story
appeared on page L1 of the Columbus (Ga.) Ledger-Enquirer on January 28,
2005. Here's
your link. They want you to pay for the story, so you go ahead if you
think I'm feeding you one here. (the
whole story via google's cache) The story is so absurd I won't blame you a
bit. It's your dollar.
OK .. here's the deal. It's January 15th; the MLK Holiday.
They're having a civil rights march in Columbus. A woman writes a letter
complaining about the conduct of a Columbus police officer during the
march. Did the officer insult anyone? Did he yell racial
epithets? Did he abuse or shove someone? Nope .. none of the
above. So, just what did the officer do? Well, he ate a
banana. That's it. The police department sent around a snack van to
give the officers who were working the march something to eat. This
particular office chose a banana. It's a good choice, actually. A
banana is loaded with potassium which can give you a good quick energy
boost. A much better choice than sugar. So the complaining woman
sees the officer eating a banana ... and she's "deeply offended."
OMIGOD! An offended citizen! Lock down the city! Call the
Justice Department! Alert the Media!
Now I know what you're thinking. You're wrong. The officer wasn't
playing with the banana. He wasn't holding it or eating it in any manner
that might be considered to be sexually offensive or suggestive in any
way. Insert banana. Bite. Chew. Swallow. Repeat.
Grow strong bones. Just that simple.
So .. if the officer wasn't playing Linda Lovelace, just what was the
problem? Why was this woman deeply offended? Why did she
complain? For an explanation let's go to Bob Poydasheff. He's the
mayor of Columbus. The woman called him and started berating the cops.
Mayor Bob (I can't pronounce "Poydasheff") told the woman that he had
received nothing but compliments about the actions of the Columbus police during
the MLK Day march. Mayor Bob tells us the woman said "No, no, no
no. When the busses pulled into the Civic Center, I saw a policeman eating
a banana, and I didn't know what to say." The woman then told Mayor
Bob that the banana "was an affront to me and to others, including a former
state senator" who she wouldn't name.
OK ... you're on the edge of your seats now, aren't you. You know
there's more to the story, and you want me to fill it in, right? Sorry ...
that's pretty much the story; except, that is, for the woman's reasoning.
Here you go. Since it was a civil rights march, and since most of the
participants were black, the woman felt that the officer eating a banana was
actually trying to humiliate the black marchers by somehow relating black people
to apes, since apes are reported to enjoy bananas.
I'm not joking, folks. Believe it or not, this woman has such a huge
racial chip on her shoulder that she actually thinks that if a white person eats
a banana in the presence of a black person that white bigot is somehow sending
the message that he considers black folks to be apes. Now wouldn't this
woman just be a delight as a next door neighbor? Wouldn't you absolutely
love to have to work closely with her? Every day you would have to pack
your lunch oh so carefully. No bananas. Oh, and I'd be really
careful about having any watermelon in that fruit cup. And no J. Fred
Muggs t-shirts.
How did the story end? Well the unnamed woman demanded a written
apology from Mayor Bob. Mayor Bob unfortunately didn't tell her to get
lost. He actually wrote that letter. The woman has never
responded. She works at some business on Powers Ferry Road in Marietta,
Georgia. Hopefully she's kept in the back eating crackers where customers
don't have to deal with her.
THE
LATEST FROM THE TSA
I don't want to identify the airport ... but here's my latest TSA
adventure. It happened over the weekend. As I approached the
screening machine I was wearing a colored t-shirt (t-shirt of color, if you
will) with an unbuttoned long sleeve sports shirt. The lady shoving
the luggage into the machine told me I had to remove my jacket.
"It isn't a jacket. It's my shirt."
"Well you have something on under it."
"That's my undershirt."
"Well, you're wearing it like a jacket, so you'll have to take it
off."
"What if I just button it?"
"That would be OK".
So .. I buttoned it up and went on through .... wondering just where they get
some of these people, During that flight I couldn't help but think that my
safety was dependent on a woman who couldn't tell a sports shirt from a jacket
and who thought that by somehow buttoning it up all threats were removed.
IRAQI
ELECTION RESULTS ANNOUNCED
The results are in, and (drum roll please) Iraq's long-repressed Shiite majority
has won the January 30th elections. There were 275 seats up for grabs in
the general assembly that will write Iraq's new Constitution. The Islamic
Shiites won 140 seats, the Kurds 75 seats, a secular Shiite group 40 seats, and
nine parties picked up the other 20. In all, 58 percent of the registered
voters turned out...almost as good as the 60.7 percent that turned out here in
this country for our last presidential election. And we didn't have
Islamic terrorists roaming the street threatening to shoot people for voting
(not yet, anyway.)
So who are these Shiite characters that won the plurality of the votes? (that
means the most votes, but not a majority, for those of you educated in
government schools.) It's called the United Iraqi Alliance, and is lead by
Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistanti. Supposedly Sistani has ties with
Iran. This is already being used by the Bush-haters to somehow imply that
an Iranian-style mullah is being installed in Iraq. Nothing could be
further from the truth.
Sistani is a hermit that lives in Najaf. He is considered the most
influential Islamic cleric in Iraq. He supports the election, has no
interest in holding political office, and supports women in government. He
has also stated that Islamic clerics have no place in government. Hardly
an extremist.
By the way .. another sign of success for Bush. Sunni Muslims are
starting to bemoan the fact that they didn't participate more heavily in this
election, and are pledging to work with the system and vote in the next
elections in the fall. Bad news for insurgents and Democrats. Isn't
it odd that so often news that is bad for insurgents in Iraq is also bad for
Democrats in the U.S.?
The successes continue in Iraq. Pretty soon the left will have to admit
the entire operation was a success.
HOWARD
DEAN TAKES THE THRONE
The Republican fantasy has been realized...Howard Dean has been installed as the
Chairman of the Democratic National Committee. There literally could not
be better icing on the cake for the opponents of the Democratic agenda.
What's next? John Kerry being re-nominated in 2008? It could happen, but I
would truly miss that Hillary run.
Dean's theory on why the Democrats keep losing is not that there is anything
wrong with their positions on the issues, but that they simply are not
"getting their message out." Apparently hundreds of millions of
dollars spent on advertising in the last election cycle didn't do the trick.
Dean doesn't realize, and I hope it stays that way, that Democrats lose for
precisely the opposite reason ... Americans do know what they stand for.
The Democrats' leftist message is getting out loud and clear, and people are
rejecting it. Maybe the liberals have an ulterior motive...Dean promised
not to run for office if he got the job. In that case, mission
accomplished.
ALL
THAT FOR NOTHING
Well, it turns out the woman who claimed that she witnessed someone throwing a
baby out of a car window is a big, fat liar. Not only did she not see
someone throw a baby out of a window, but it was actually her own baby that she
turned in. Patricia Pokriots says she didn't want anyone to know she was
pregnant. She actually has another child, 10 years old and presumably by
another man.
So what's the lesson here? People lie and they lie often. Never
underestimate the ability of someone to make something up. The worst part
of all this is that she could have turned the child in to the hospital, no
questions asked, under Florida's safe haven law. At least the baby is
fine...and Mom is off to the loony bin.
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez ... a true man of
the people. Somehow I can't see George Bush in this picture. Bill
Clinton maybe. But not George Bush.
HOT
AIR STORIES
In this week's Boortz Blast, we shared a
bit where Neal tells an embarrassing story about a time he released a little
abdominal pressure at an inopportune time. Have you got an embarrassing
"hot air" story? Email it to us
with the subject "hot air story" and we'll post
our favorites here.
READING ASSIGNMENTS
Why has North Korea developed
nuclear weapons? To hear Peter Jennings tell it, they are trying to
protect themselves not from the United States, but from George Bush.
 Wanita
Renea Young ... you know, the cranky
old woman who sued the two cookie girls? Well, she's not happy about
the way her neighbors are treating her. That's her to the right. Not
pleasant.
Well! What do you make of this? Teresa Heinz Kerry is no
longer going to be known as Teresa Heinz Kerry. Now it's just Teresa
Heinz. Yet another reason to be oh so glad that this woman isn't our First
Lady.
Some 10,000-20,000 Americans are poised to leave this country and head for
Canada because of the outcome of the last election. John
Leo takes a look at what awaits our leftist friends on the other side of the
border.
Alan Keyes has disowned
his daughter and thrown her out of the house because she's gay. Nice
going....perhaps he could use a lesson from Dick Cheney.
Fake Indian and University of Colorado Professor Ward Churchill might not just
be a nutcase, turns
out he might also be a plagiarist.
The
Hildabeast is showering the United Nations with praise while she's abroad
(overseas, that is.) So much for Hillary tilting to the right.
Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist says
he has the votes to change the filibuster rules and neuter the Democrats,
but will he do it? Only if it's necessary, he says.
The old media continues its irrelevancy....and the Eason Jordan case is just the
latest example. Jack
Kelly runs down the list of the mainstream press' latest failures.
Kofi Annan is now singing a different tune about Iraq...he sounds mighty
supportive of our effort there. Could this be in exchange for White House cover
on the Oil-For-Food rip-off?
Just how much of your hard-earned paycheck is immediately thrown down the Social
Security rathole? 1/8th....and it's a lousy investment. Jeff
Jacoby has more.
The blogosphere is now having a significant impact on politics, as 2004
showed. The rise of the blogs shows just how marginalized the mainstream
media has become. Michael
Barone reports.
Whatever became of all those people who promised to move to Canada if George
Bush were re-elected? They're
still here, says Rich Tucker. | 
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