Oktoberfest, Helen, GA, 1992

I remember the date because I believe this is when permanent damage to my vision occurred. While perusing the town of Helen, my gorgeous girlfriend and I walked into a restaurant and scoped out the menu. During this time, a very ill wind blew through the air. I looked around for the offender, she of course looked at me, and it was so bad we decided to exit. Now, this was at the niave age where men cannot believe that girls actually fart, much less really good looking ones (the girls, not the farts).

Throughout the remainder of the day, several bratwursts with sauerkraut and a bunch of German beer, I finally conluded that Kelley was the only logical culprit. She laughed hysterically that I had ruminated on this for hours only to finally arrive at the conclusion. Given my dietary intake previously, revenge was in the works. It was a particularly cold night so I ever so sneakily hit the "child lock" button in the BMW, and proceeded with my counter assault. I have never heard such protestations, screaming and shrieking in my life. Furthermore, I have never seen someone actually try to scratch their way out of a car window. I had some pity, so intermittently I would unlock the power windows, only to have subfreezing air fill the car - then back to another melee. I am sure this is the longest trip from Helen to Atlanta in history, at least for her. As far as the permanent damage, my image of women "pooting" Channel No. 5 and pooping pink cotton balls was permanently destroyed that day.

Submitted by Keith